Last night I became a local hero. It came as something of a shock to me and interestingly it was not as a direct result of my actions. It also led me to think that I might just have seen Prof Steve Peters' Chimp Paradox at work.
In his book, 'The Chimp Paradox' (The Mind Management Programme for Confidence, Success and Happiness) he explains that our brain is made up of two smaller brains the frontal or Human brain as he calls it and the limbic or Chimp brain. The chimp brain interprets information with feelings and reacts emotionally and the human brain searches for facts, applies logical thinking and tries to establish truth. Our chimp brain is much stronger than our human brain which explains why we so often act on impulse and later regret the things that we did or said.
At the top of my street a little black cat had sadly been knocked down and was lying in the road. I didn't really like to think of it being hit again so I picked it up and moved it to a grass verge with the help of a passing motorist. Thinking quickly, I decided that if it were my little black cat I would like to know. We have a local news and gossip Facebook page so I posted a comment about the cat's sad demise in the hope of reuniting it with its owner. My human brain told me that this would be a quick and effective way of spreading the message. My post looked like this:
Sorry but a black cat has been knocked down at the top of Donald Road. It is dead sadly. If it is yours, we have put it on the grass verge opposite the junction with the post box. Sorry again.
I have never been in a situation like this before and upon reflection (another human brain characteristic) I possibly was a bit frank with my use of the phrase 'it is dead.' Given my lack of experience, I did what I thought was right, but within two minutes of submitting the post I received the following reply.
My chimp brain reacted quite strongly to this message. I felt quite angry that this lady had not recognised my good deed and my quick thinking. In my head I formulated a strongly worded reply, but as I was thinking I started to doubt myself. Had I been inconsiderate or even dismissive of the significance of this cat's death? Was there something more that I should have done? Her message actually gave me some advice. Maybe I should call the council. My angry reply started to fade from my mind and self doubt invaded my thoughts. My chimp brain was starting to howl again. Just in time another message popped up.
Taking lessons from The Chimp Paradox and with the reassurance of another person's support, I replied to the first lady calmly explaining my choices. By doing this I was hoping to calm both of our chimps. I wanted her to know that I knew that her chimp had written that first message and most importantly I wanted to acknowledge that she had actually helped me to find a solution to the dilemma.
After that 49 people wrote messages thanking me for my kindness, offering advice and even sharing stories about the sad passing of their pets. So far, hers has been the only negative message that I have received.
The group reaction to the situation and the confidence that I took from it reminds me of the Chimp's need for a troop. According to Prof Steve Peters, we all need a troop to stand by us and protect us. Our troop will also help us, nurture us and develop us. My troop seemed to agree that I had done my best and even the writer of the original message eventually chose to join the troop by publicly 'liking' my explanation rather than standing by her original beliefs. She did not want to be outside the troop because it was a very hostile place. Imagine if the same 49 people had united against me? It could very easily have happened. I have to live here and I wonder how a united display of unkindness towards me might have impacted upon my daily habits in my local community. Would I have stopped going to my local Spar this week or even looked to move away from the area?
Interestingly despite the strong show of support and solidarity for which I was very grateful, I only received two offers of help and a kind private message of emotional support. I did end up picking the cat up and taking it to the vet myself this morning. Did I actually expect someone to take care of it for me? Would that expectation have been realistic given the apparent care and empathy of my troop. They might have had jobs to do, children to care for or they might just be squeamish about that sort of thing. Prof Peters tells us that we should try not to make assumptions or have preconceived expectations of others. We should not judge until we know the full facts and have taken the time to find the truth. If someone that we care about lets us down, it is probably because our expectations of them were unrealistic in the first place.
As adolescents, our chimp brain dominates the human brain which explains why our pupils care so much about what others think. Their fear of being rejected by their troop at a time when they are facing some of life's biggest challenges is very real and completely understandable. Our role as advisers in their troops should not be underestimated.
Understanding the chimp paradox can help us and our learners to become happier and more successful. The book offers simple and effective ways to understand and tame our reactions and ultimately improve our lives and our relationships.
Thanks for reading. Becky @BexK06
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